Never a Bride: A Short Story Read online

  Guilt nibbled at her conscience as she wondered if she’d pushed him away - unintentionally, of course. Yes, she’d skipped a few weekends biking through the mountain trails but she’d made the majority. Maybe he’d gotten tired of talking frosting and cake towers. But damn it, he should have said something instead of waiting until the morning of their wedding.

  Lisa joined her at the bar. “Cranberry spritzer,” she ordered as Sheena selected a pinot grigio. “How’d it go?”

  “I hate him.”

  “Hate is a strong word,” Lisa observed.

  “It’s a strong emotion.” Sheena’s stomach rocked back and forth and she took a small sip of soothing wine. “How dare he accuse me of not listening? Of pushing him away?”

  Lisa put her hand on Sheena’s arm. “He didn’t. I’m sorry, honey, he said he wanted to talk, and I thought maybe he’d apologize. I just don’t want you to hurt anymore. I shouldn’t have told him you were in the kitchen.”

  “He did apologize. And I could see he was hurting.” Sheena’s lower lip quivered and she sucked it in. “He said he loved me. But if he did, why didn’t he reach out to me in some way?” Three months of silence.

  He’d said he was ashamed. She’d felt it, and knew he told the truth. They’d been so close at one point in their relationship that they hadn’t needed words. A touch, a look, a sigh had been enough. And then he’d chickened out. She drained her wine in anger.

  “Maybe he felt awful.” Lisa shrugged, taking the glass and asking the bartender for another. “I can’t imagine what I would do in your situation. I support you, okay? Stay with me and my mom tonight and we’ll make sure you don’t have to talk to him again.”

  Sheena’s skin felt prickly hot, like she’d gotten too much sun. “I can handle it. Like you said earlier, we’ll be around each other a lot. I need to learn to deal with it.”

  How would she breathe if he brought another woman into their circle? She’d seen red watching the waitress throw herself at his feet, the bitch. And Jared, despite her unfair accusations, probably hadn’t even realized it.

  “If it gets too much, I understand if you need to take a break. Duck out for a few minutes. But come back. Thank you, Sheena, for being here with me.”

  “It’s what you do, for love.” Sheena accepted the fresh glass, her cheeks hot with suppressed emotion. “You stick it out.”

  Lisa took a sip of her spritzer and wrinkled her nose. “Seltzer water tickles.”

  “I don’t know how you’re staying so Zen. Don’t you want a glass of wine?”

  “Too nervous to drink. The seltzer calms my stomach. The bubbles.”

  Lisa put her hand over her belly.

  Sheena narrowed her eyes, feeling like an idiot for not realizing sooner. “Really?”

  Mouth round, Lisa nodded. “Nerves. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.”

  Mrs. Conner would have a conniption if the baby came before the wedding. Single mom wanting to prove to the world she did a good job raising her all-star daughter. “Got it.”

  What would it be like to have a baby? She’d wanted a family, had imagined her and Jared singing around a campfire and roasting marshmallows. He’d said one, no more than two, kids. Now? Her heart cracked open, feeling the ache of betrayal all over again.

  Could she ever forgive him? She’d meditated on it, gone to therapy. In order to get through the day without falling apart she’d had to cut off her emotions. Cut Jared from her life as if he’d never existed. It got easier, incremental breath by breath. Pretending.

  To see him over the past few days tore open old wounds. She’d gotten back in the habit of crying herself to sleep. She’d lied when she’d told him she was over him. She’d never be over him.

  Her heart leapt for joy at his announcement of love.

  Hope flared like a spewing volcano.

  Until she remembered the pain of his desertion and the wine tasted like ash in her mouth.

  “Let’s go take our seats,” Lisa said, pulling Sheena toward the dining tables. “I’m starving. Your idea of Chicken Marsala for tonight’s dinner was brilliant.”

  “I’m glad I could help.”

  All of the wedding preparations Sheena had done came in handy for Mike and Lisa’s wedding. They’d been engaged for two years and six months ago decided to actually tie the knot.

  Prodded by Jared’s proposal and Sheena’s subsequent bridal frenzy, no doubt. God, had she really been so bad?

  Lisa seemed more relaxed regarding her nuptials, keeping the guest list fewer than seventy-five. Family, mostly Mike and Jared’s, and friends. She’d kept everything comfortable, just like she and Mike. She hadn’t changed into another person.

  Maybe, Sheena considered, I went overboard. Was that so wrong?

  Must be. Mike was sticking around for the wedding day, while Jared flew the coop.

  Sheena nodded at Mike and Jared’s parents, feeling awkward. The Langleys had accepted her into their family. Jared rejected her.

  They’d done the hug thing a few days ago; Jared’s mom whispered that she was so sorry. Sheena was sorry, too.

  This was life. Sometimes things were shit. End of story.

  She took her chair, knowing when Jared was behind her by the way the air charged between them. He scooted her in, putting his hand on her shoulder, his thumb at her nape.

  She hadn’t wanted to date him. When he’d first asked her out, she’d said no. He’d been surprised. Intrigued. She wasn’t playing a game – she’d been protecting her heart. She was pretty, she knew that, but Jared was gorgeous.

  She’d made all sorts of wrong assumptions about him based on his looks. He’d called her out on it. Proved her wrong, right up until the bitter end when he’d torn out her heart and stomped it to bloody shreds.

  “Sheena,” he whispered, his words warm against her cheek. “You look beautiful tonight. You’re wearing my favorite color.”

  Nobody could charm like Jared. Determined to maintain her indifference, she poked Lisa in the side. “Did you hear something?”

  * * *

  Jared noticed the trail of goose bumps along Sheena’s skin. No way did he believe she was completely immune to him. He knew her, from the hitch of her breath to the weather vane of her blue eyes – stormy weather to clear.

  Now that she was out of the clutches of wedding fever, she’d returned to the woman he recognized.

  Had she been so awful? His tender heart had thought so. His bruised pride. His overactive ego. He’d gone from being the center of her world to an object in her plans. Something to be moved around.

  He hadn’t made it easy, he knew it. Accepted his part in it.

  His dad waved him over and Jared left Sheena’s stratosphere to take his assigned seat between his father and Mike.

  “How’s it going?” His dad jerked his chin toward Sheena. “Lisa’s mom said she interrupted you two talking in the kitchen. An improvement over the deep freeze she’s been giving you the last few days. Brrr. Like to get frostbite myself.” He gave an exaggerated shiver.

  “Stay out of it, Dad.” Jared shook his head, pissed at himself all over again.

  “No promises. Pass me the water, would you?”

  Jared lifted the metallic pitcher beaded with droplets of condensation, then filled his dad’s glass. Rather than argue, he decided to play nice. He owed it to his family to get along. “This is a great set up. Did you see the pictures of Mike in tights?”

  His dad looked toward the beer fountain and laughed. “Yeah. Boy’s got good legs. Comes from all those years playing soccer.”

  “Think so?” Jared’s tight knit family had tromped to each of the brother’s games, no matter what they played. Everybody supported the other. His mom and dad had a great relationship. They were a team. A beacon of companionship in a divorce-riddled world.

  Being back in Seattle made him realize what he’d left Sheena to handle on her own. He’d watched the awk
wardness between his parents and her. They’d embraced her like a daughter and then he’d left her at the altar.

  No matter how he tried to justify it, the action was unjustifiable.

  “You hanging in there, son?” His dad lowered his voice. “This has got to be difficult for you.”

  “How can you be understanding, Dad? Your oldest son acted like a jack ass.”

  “I’m sure you had your reasons.”

  “They were shitty.”

  “Figured as much.” His dad nodded and took a drink of his water.

  Jared closed his eyes and chuckled. “Now what?”

  “You love her.” It was a flat-out statement, no question necessary.

  Still, Jared’s answer was immediate. “Never stopped.”

  “Tell her.”

  “I did.” Jared slowly, carefully, opened his eyes again. “She says she’s over me.”

  “You broke her heart.” His dad wasn’t judging, just pointing out the facts as he saw them. Which happened to be the truth.

  “She turned into a stranger, Dad, putting that wedding together like a drill sergeant. She spent five thousand dollars on a wedding dress.”

  His dad laughed. “That’s what women do. Sheena seems the type that would be in it forever. Is there something wrong with making the day special?”

  “I wanted it small.” He spun his glass around, leaving water marks on the napkin.

  “Did you tell her?”

  “I tried.”

  Wiping the drops from the side of his glass, his dad hummed in commiseration. “Not quite the same thing.”

  “No.” Jared silently acknowledged that point before explaining, “And when we were finally alone all she wanted to talk about was seating charts and the dinner menu.”

  “Jared.” His dad smacked his hand against the table like a black jack dealer. “You know why a man gets married?”

  “I have no damn clue. There’s no reason for it. Especially in this century. Women make their own money, buy their own stuff. Honestly, Sheena spent her own money on that dress. But it made me so mad. I mean, five grand!”

  “Getting married isn’t about you, son. It is about the woman that you are marrying. Your best friend. Your soul mate. The mother of your future children, if you choose to have any. Just saying? I’d make a damn fine grandpa.”

  It was true. He’d be getting that grandchild from Mike and Lisa, not Jared and Sheena. Jared took a big drink of water, but it didn’t ease the ache in his throat. “I know I was being selfish. What if that means I wasn’t ready to be married?”

  “Jared, I can’t claim to understand why you let self doubt get the best of you. You’ve always had trouble accepting you were good enough. I know you love that girl. And I can see that she loves you. I’m not saying it would be easy, but it just might be worth fighting for, a love like that.”

  He exhaled through his nose. “Impossible.”

  “For you? You create magic for a living. Sprinkle some of that in your personal life, and just maybe Sheena will come around.”

  “Magic isn’t real. I trusted that what Sheena and I had was solid. And then she brought home frosting samples.”

  His dad sighed. “Jared, you spent enough time in the mountains to figure out what you really want.” Locking gazes, his dad asked, “What is it?”

  “It’s always been Sheena,” Jared answered without hesitation. “Nobody else will do.”

  “Then you got some crow to be eating, son. Tastes better with a little salt, if I remember correctly. Marriage, a relationship, is compromise.”

  Jared ate dinner, going through the motions for his brother’s sake. He loved Mike, trusted that what his brother and Lisa were building had every chance of lasting.

  So why couldn’t he believe that for himself? He and Sheena were seated on the same side of the table, and it killed him that he couldn’t see her. He felt her energy, her presence, and he wanted to pick her up and toss her over his shoulder. Take her to Alaska and the condo he’d been hiding out in.

  Keep her there until she forgave him for being an ass. Finally dessert was over and he got up to see Sheena for himself.

  Her seat was empty, her chocolate raspberry cake untouched.

  Lisa noticed him, and shook her head. “She left after dinner. Didn’t feel well, she said.”

  Jared’s throat clogged and he sat back down. Then jumped back up as if the seat had a spring. “I’ve got to go.”

  Chapter Three

  The entire drive to Sheena’s apartment Jared told himself he was being a fool. She’d made it very clear she wanted nothing to do with him. For good reason. Just because he still loved her didn’t mean she had to do what he said. What he wanted.

  She’d been right, calling him chicken shit.

  He’d been afraid he’d lose her, somehow. So he’d done what? Pushed her away? “I’m an idiot.”

  Jared pulled into the apartment complex. Parked. Sat for five minutes contemplating all of the ways this could go so wrong.

  He forced himself to get out of his car before he changed his mind. The honorable thing to do would be to give Sheena the opportunity to call him out on his moronic behavior. Maybe then she could somehow forgive him.

  He’d imagined his life without Sheena in it, and it wasn’t so great. The last three months had been filled with regret and self-recrimination.

  Jared locked the rental car and headed to the second floor. The codes were the same, so he had no problem reaching her apartment. He knocked once, hesitating before giving the door another rap of his knuckles.

  “Who is it?”

  Her voice, husky and low, held a note of apprehension and Jared realized it was dark, late and she wasn’t expecting company.

  He should have brought flowers or wine. Some sort of bribery to get in the door. “It’s me. Jared.”

  A long silence stretched out into painful uncertainty. Would she even answer him?

  He heard the sound of the chain being pulled back, then the click of the lock. How many times had he asked her to move into his place, a gated community with safety features and recycling? She preferred her older apartment with a view of Mt. Rainier. They’d mostly stayed here.

  Sheena pulled the door back. “What do you want?”

  His heart thumped, off rhythm at the sight of her pale face. Blotchy cheeks. Eyes rimmed red from crying. His fault, her pain. “You left without saying good-bye.”

  She arched her blonde brow in wordless Sheena sarcasm.

  As an ad exec, he was a wizard with words - but not when it came to Sheena. He could spin anything, yet with her things had always been real. She was real. Solid. Until she watched back to back episodes of Guess the Dress and spouted marriage statistics, looking at him as if he would be the only reason they’d ever get divorced.

  She’d been right, he supposed. He’d crumbled under the pressure.

  “It’s late.” She held the door steady. Open two inches, no more.

  “Too late. I know.”

  Tears shimmered but she blinked them away. “So why are you here?”

  “I owe you an apology. An explanation.”

  “You owe me?” She considered all aspects of his statement, as if checking for loopholes. “I suppose you do.”

  Jared cleared his throat. “Can I come in?”

  “No, Jared. You can’t.”

  “Fine.” He sucked it up, knowing he had to try. “I am truly sorry for not staying. For leaving you on the most important day of our lives.”

  “You’re really going to do this? Here? Now?” She exhaled and stepped back, opening the door. “You’ll give Mrs. Weinbach an ear full.”

  Relieved, Jared went inside Sheena’s apartment. It felt like coming home. Except that all of the pictures she’d had of the two of them on the walls were gone, replaced with inexpensive prints he didn’t recognize. It was a reminder of how quickly she’d cut him from her life.

 
“Love the new pictures,” he said, heading toward the bright orange couch. The afghan her grandmother crocheted was folded over the arm, two blue and yellow fluffy pillows on either side. She liked the left, so he took the right.

  Instead of joining him, however, she stood with her arms crossed and stared at him. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, her feet bare, her toes painted a peachy color. Probably for the wedding, since she normally didn’t wear nail polish.

  “Out with the old,” she said. “In with the new.”

  “You’re dating?” The idea made him sick.

  “You have no right to ask me that. Unless you want to tell me about your adventures in Alaska?”

  “No adventures,” Jared said. “Moping, definitely. Working around the clock. Maybe there was some wallowing.”

  She dropped her arms, then blushed. “Hang on.” Sheena disappeared, returning within moments dressed now in jeans and a sweatshirt instead of braless in a tank top and shorts.

  Jared wanted to scoop her close and breathe in her scent.

  Her blue eyes clouded. “You were wallowing,” she prompted from her stance by the kitchen wall.

  “Right. Sheena, there is no good reason for me to have left you the day of our wedding.”

  She curled her toes into the beige carpet. “Agreed.”

  “I’d like to explain what happened.”

  “It changes nothing. We won’t be friends, Jared. You broke my heart.”

  He swallowed over the pain in his throat. “Understood. This is more for me, then. I don’t want you to hate me.”

  She didn’t deny it, or crack a smile, so he forged onward.

  “I spent the last three months trying to figure out why I would sabotage the best thing in my life. Tried to tell myself that we weren’t ready for a commitment so big. Marriage is bondage. We loved each other without a piece of paper just fine. I heard you talk statistics, and yeah. Chances were we might get divorced. Why bother?”